Its been interesting 5 years for me as a parent / guardian. My kids ( 5 of them currently between aged 15 to 23 years) are in different stages presented with different choices. Few choices that I have observed and participated in:
1. stream for high school certificate course;
2. additional external intervention for competitive examination to get into undergrad courses;
3. choices of companions (Friends, "special friends", mentors, et al.)
4. Facilitation during the course of pursuit of undergrad courses; and
5. Post graduation pursuits;
Last week, due to some favourable circumstances, I happened to binge watch web series - "Kota Factory" - with my wife and youngest kid. in about less than 8 hours the series creators captured the essence of these 5 years of journey of me as a parent, made me remember my own tribulation in the early formative years and finally relate to this generations current view and challenges. I admire the gumption of the web series creators and specifically the director to mount the whole web series in BLACK AND WHITE in this times of visually charged CGI based content creating generation.
I am tempted to share a few thoughts which resonate deeply and I find very relevant and empowering. I have tried to reference the specific web series thoughts and connect them to my own interpretations and how I have used them as parent:
Stream Choice - IIT Hee Kyun?: Choices of stream - Commerce, Arts, Biology, Computer science, Engineering. The list doesn't seem to be too long at that juncture of life. However the competition for limited seats in highly rated colleges in each of the streams is very very high. The web series espouses that we should aim for getting into the best colleges and prepare accordingly. Stress taken by a student on this account for the 2 years is not bad but might bring out the best. Its a very compelling philosophy of life and surely some bit of stress for short durations can do wonders and bring out the best. The conundrum that is not addressed in web series (as it was beyond the remit) is what if the child is not sure about which stream to choose at this juncture??!!! Not every child gets serious or knows what their interests are at that age. What do parents do in such a situation? I am a firm believer that a child needs to grow into making their own choices rather than pushing them into making one's because we follow a standardised academic pattern. It is however important that the child is seen experimenting with various skills with some keenest and intent.
Additional Coaching - Kota ka "Mahaul": there is an adage we all would have heard - "we are but product of our circumstances". Mahaul referred in the web series is the same thing. the circumstances we find ourselves in. Kota Circumstances ensure focus on engineering entrance exams and qualifying for the coveted seat in "IIT". Given my own assertive view of life, my take on this is - Company we keep defines us. I don't believe that we find ourselves in circumstances but that we are creator of circumstances through choices of people with whom we spend our time. Every student might not get into the best rated institutions but they can still make the best out of what they get by choosing their friends and mentors carefully.
Choice of companions:: the web series plays out this song in loop: "kisi gam se, na chillam se, teri rum se nahi, bana hai yaron se mera jahan, kitabon mai, padha tha ab, deewaro pe likha, bana hai yaaron se mera jahan". The idea plays out through out on how friends can be empowering and also distracting. Intelligent choices of friends can truly make a big difference. I would go out and extend the logic to include even association with teachers and mentors. Identifying the right mentor and surrendering to such a person also leads to great progressive strides. As parents the best we can hope and facilitate here is to encourage a child to keep good company (friends, teachers and mentors). Parents should regularly speak, understand and evaluate companions of a child a play a mild influence on how the child makes these choices.
Facilitation in pursuit of degree: The web series is yet to address this and the next next choice. The core questions in this context is - allocating resources in pursuit of degree. We are seeing that increasingly undergrad programs are becoming expensive. In the name of providing great infrastructure or experiences (locations) various institutions are charging fees which are substantive. In many cases parents borrow money which would be totalling to more than their 10 years of annual income. The important aspect to remember is that a graduate degree is only the starting point and it is always expected that it would be followed by masters degree. This would mean additional investment is yet to be committed to. A review of the graduate student skills would make us realise that the course is in general not skilling the student but only offering a certificate. Thus as parents it is crucial that our kids focus on skilling themselves. That is the best way to contribute towards making our kids independent and assertive.
Post graduation pursuits: The general trajectory is to encourage students to pursue Masters in business related domains. The general realization that Masters in other domains can be equivalently important needs to be brought to fore. Focus of parents should be encouraging use of Masters courses to enhance and enlarge our kids perspective. Life is too long and embarking on journey with limited business perspective. They would live a better and meaningful life if we enlarge their worldview which can be facilitated through a Masters course.
In closing, as parents the focus is substantially on commercially empowering our children. such orientation creates many possibilities of conflicts and dissonance in the child. As a Parent our goal should be directed towards facilitating our child being self aware. This would in turn ensure that the child pursues goals are aligning with their interest and orientation. Such approach should substantially reduce issues of self doubt, depression, suicide, abuse, violence in the society. Lets us try and bequeath a better tomorrow through becoming a better parent.